The Abundant Nest

When the Same Advice Keeps Coming: How to Find Your Own Path Forward as an Empty Nester

A PURPOSEFUL LIFE

Jane Victoria Hide

Four women sat together in a cafe talking
Four women sat together in a cafe talking

The Same Advice, Over and Over Again
The day your children leave home is one you know is coming, but no amount of preparation truly readies you for the flood of emotions that follow. You are not alone as an empty nesters, if you've heard the same advice from friends, family, and even well-meaning strangers:

"Now is the time to focus on yourself."

"Pick up a new hobby!"

"Reconnect with your partner."

"Enjoy the freedom you have now."

These words come with good intentions, but there’s a disconnect—what if you're just not ready to follow these steps? What if the thought of embracing freedom, focusing on yourself, or diving into a hobby feels like a forced and hollow attempt to fill the space your children once occupied?

It's okay to feel this way.

Why Might You Resist the Advice
There are real, deep-rooted reasons why you might resist advice, even if you know it comes from a place of care. You’ve spent years dedicating your energy, time, and love to your children. For many parents, especially mothers, your identity becomes intertwined with caregiving. The advice to focus on yourself feels foreign because, for so long, you’ve been focused on others.

Grief plays a role, too. Grieving the transition of your child leaving home is valid. Just because they’ve entered adulthood doesn’t mean you stop caring for them or that your home suddenly feels complete without them. Read more about The Stages of Grief HERE.

In truth, following advice often feels like letting go—and letting go can feel like you're betraying that love, that connection, that part of yourself.

Tip #1: Acknowledge Your Grief as Normal and Necessary
First and foremost, recognise that what you're feeling is grief. Even though this isn't the loss of a loved one, it is the loss of a certain phase in your life. You are allowed to mourn that loss. Ignoring grief can make you cling tighter to what used to be, and by doing so, you close yourself off to what might come next.

Give yourself the grace to grieve, and don’t let others rush you through it. Name what you feel, and know that it’s a critical step toward eventually moving forward. This step is often skipped, yet it’s foundational. Journaling your feelings may help. Download our journalling sheets HERE.

Tip #2: Know That Advice Isn’t a Prescription, It’s a Suggestion
The advice you're hearing is well-meaning but remember, it’s not a commandment you need to follow immediately. Everyone grieves and adjusts at their own pace. Rather than seeing advice as a list of things you must do, consider it an invitation—one you can respond to when you're ready.

Perhaps now isn't the right time to take up a new hobby or dive into self-care. And that's fine. Let the advice linger in the background, as a possibility for the future. When you begin to feel curious about those suggestions, that’s a sign you may be ready to explore them. Take your time.

Our Guide to Living an Intentional Life will always be here.

Tip #3: Reflect on What You Need
The advice you keep hearing is broad and often generalised. It assumes a universal experience of adjusting to the empty nest, but no two experiences are identical. Instead of immediately trying to match your path to someone else’s roadmap, take a moment to consider what you actually need.

Ask yourself:

What feels most overwhelming about this transition

Are there small ways I can create comfort without fully committing to big changes?

What parts of my old routine do I miss, and are there ways to reintroduce them in new, modified ways?

Finding your own answers might start with smaller steps—like creating a daily ritual that honours your feelings, or spending intentional quiet time to hear what your heart really wants next.

Learn more about Rediscovering Self Love in this BLOG POST

Tip #4: Be Gentle with Yourself in the Process
This isn’t about jumping into change just because others say you should. It’s about gently guiding yourself toward it when you're ready. Change is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean it has to be sudden or overwhelming.

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the permission to say, "I'm not ready," but keep the door open. Trust that you’ll know when the time is right to take the next step, whether it’s picking up a hobby, traveling, or rediscovering your passions. Sometimes, realising that you can choose when and how you move forward makes all the difference.

Tip #5: Lean Into Community—At Your Own Pace
There’s often pressure to "get back out there" socially after your children leave, but if it feels too much, start slow. Community is important, but connection can be found in gentle, intentional ways. Maybe you aren’t ready for a busy book club or taking a class, but inviting one or two close friends for a walk or coffee could be enough for now. Reaching out can help you feel supported while allowing space for your emotional needs.

Acceptance Doesn’t Happen Overnight
The journey to accepting advice and moving forward after your children leave home isn’t linear. It takes time. It takes patience. And it takes self-compassion. Don’t rush the process just because others tell you what "should" come next. When you’re ready, you’ll start to feel that spark of curiosity and openness, and that’s when you’ll know the advice that once felt repetitive is finally starting to resonate.

Until then, trust that your own timeline is exactly right for you.

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Love and Support

Jane

The Abundant Nest Logo, Jane's face
The Abundant Nest Logo, Jane's face